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Dietary Kryptonite

May 13, 2011

Let’s talk about food weaknesses.

I’m usually pretty fucking great at eating stuff I can’t process in moderation. When I first found out I was lactose intolerant, I cried and binged on mac and cheese and farted a lot. These days, I make my various cheezy cashew cream sauces to pour over rice noodles and veggies. It might not have that same rubbery texture, but in this case it’s more about sauce + noodles than cheese. So, I’m satisfied.

The same thing goes for bread. As a child (and especially in the first years of being a vegetarian), I LIVED off of wheat and cheese. Bread was my favorite food ever. But ugh, I used to have a lot of… lady problems. Ahem. I slowly gave up white starch/sugar high glycemic foods, and once I dropped bread they practically disappeared.

But I really do like bread and sometimes cheese and especially fried foods, so I have a golden dining rule: I don’t cook it at home, but when I go out it’s okay. This works in my gastrointestinal favor because A) I eat most of my meals at home, and B) I don’t go nuts “depriving” myself. Whenever I can’t have X, all I can think about is X.  And really, is a torta still a torta if it’s not in a delicious oily Mexican bun? Or cheese and wheat free pizza ever quite as elastic as what it imitates? Both of these things are *good* without those elements, but I hate fake food. I hate fake meat, fake cheese (except Daiya) and most commercial gluten-free bread.  I don’t even take advantage of this rule most of the time and prefer to stick to my usual stuff. Since there’s no psychological block to avoid these “evil” foods, I don’t stress about it! But when I crave it I’d rather eat the real thing, or if I don’t wanna suffer the consequences, avoid it completely. Yoda knew what I was talking about: “Do… or do not. There is no try.” Damn straight.

So with this little zen mantra, I do good! I eat good food, I don’t count calories, I don’t obsess. I usually avoid the things that make me feel shitty, but when I do eat some? Meh! These sometimes foods aren’t a staple in my diet.

There are, however, some things I CANNOT avoid no matter how hard I try. So I stop trying, because it turns into that creepy obsessive depressing deprivation cycle. I mean, I won’t always seek it out — but if it’s there, or within reach even, it goes in my mouth. Every goddamn time. My biggest culinary weakness is probably Japanese food and Asian junk food:

LUNCH.

Today for lunch I scarfed down shrimp chips, white sushi rice, eggs, kimchi, pickled garlic and Japanese mayo. It was SO GOOD. I’m gonna get crazy exploding heart palpitations and headaches later from the MSG, but agh! I can’t help it! I think that Japanese food and Asian junky snacks are my ultimate comfort foods and a health nut would tell me that it’s psychological, and I need to stop binge eating and get real with myself, and blah blah blah but hey shut the fuck up. I love opening a bag of chips with a label in a language I can’t read and experiencing the different flavors. I love international beer snacks (and I also love international beer). I love white sushi rice. I love garlic, taro, ginger, galangal, lotus seeds, five spice, octopus, mystery pickled veggies and seaweed.

And now I’m going to the Asian market.

So THERE.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Shoebox permalink
    May 15, 2011 12:17 pm

    >Asian Junk Food

    Damn, you got me.

    http://www.koamart.com/shop/37-2164-chips-onion_ring_3_17oz.asp

    I can’t live without those things.

    • May 16, 2011 3:47 am

      Daaaaang, yes. Those are so good. They’re like the more potato-y version of funions!

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