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behold the best tuna salad ever

April 21, 2011

I’ve been craving raw, fermented sauerkraut like crazy. Luckily for me, local wonder OlyKraut gets me my fix! They have a variety of wonderful flavors — the Eastern European one is so addictive — but I was poor so I saved a dollar and got the basic original kind. I’ve been putting it in everything for the past 48 hours like salsa (what the fuck?), scrambled eggs, and now this wonderful tuna salad. Gonna make this again, and again, and again and again…

get in my mouth

Spring Tuna (real or not) Salad

Egg-free, dairy-free, grain-free goodness! Easily raw vegan optional. Makes enough for 4 sandwiches/wraps.
  • 2 cans tuna (I spent an extra 30 cents to use yellowfin) OR 1 medium zucchini and 1/2 cup of almonds or macadamia nuts if you wanna get vegan
  • 3 stalks celery
  • 1 avocado
  • a jar of pickles. don’t worry, you won’t use the whole thing.
  • 1/2 cup sauerkraut
  • 1/2 tomato
  • 1 clove garlic
  • 1 handful spinach
  • a pinch of smoked salt
  • 1/2 t white pepper

If you don’t have a food processor, just finely dice & mash in the places I say to puree/process it up.

Throw the avocado, garlic and 1 stalk celery into the food processor. Take your jar of pickles and pour into the processor about 2-3 T juice and 2 T seasonings out of the bottom. Trust me, those pickled bits of garlic and herbs are what really makes this good. Blend everything until it’s creamy smooth, then add everything else and pulse until it’s choppy good. This is just… this is the shit.

I might have piled extra OlyKraut on top of mine later.


food diary & choco chip cookie recipe

April 19, 2011

Okay, so I overcompensated with the egg consumption this week. I think our house has achieved maximum duck egg overload. We don’t need to eat them every day in every meal. But we’re still eating omelets and pancakes and other goodies I can use them for (do you know how many grain-free bread recipes I’ve archived? Do you?) so here’s some food diary for you:


  • This morning I made a big, delicious scramble omelet mess for breakfast: 3 duck eggs, a bunch of curly green kale ripped from the stem, half an onion, some shredded napa cabbage and smoked salmon. Served up with some gf english muffins that made me go “meh.” I won’t buy them again.
  • The most amazing veggie burgers ever, with duck eggs, chia, celery, onions and Ricki’s fake ground meat recipe. I can’t get enough of this stuff right now. They were rich, smoky and completely satisfying.
  • Green protein smoothies all the time. I need to go buy some fresh veggies because right now I’m gulping down protein powder, green powder, orange juice and bananas. Not very inspiring, but I’m also not a fan of this protein powder. At least it’s not as blah as straight hemp protein.
  • Free Chinese food. Not something I usually eat, full of stuff I was allergic to, but I don’t give a shit because it was free!
  • Cookies.

cookie monster

 Chocolate Chip Cookies version 1

grain-free, gluten-free, vegan, low-glycemic. Based off a recipe from Elana’s Pantry. Makes about 20-30 depending on their size.
  • 1 c almond meal (you could be fancy and make your own, or lazy and buy a bag of it at Trader Joe’s. Guess which I did!)
  • 1 c coconut flour
  • 1/2 c tapioca flour
  • 1/2 c coconut sugar
  • 1/2 c oil (if it’s a melted one, make sure it’s cool by the time you mix in your choco chips.)
  • 2 T H2O
  • 1 T vanilla
  • 1//2 t salt
  • 1/2 t baking soda
  • 1 T chia seed meal (optional)
  • 1/2 c chocolate chips (I was craving carob chips, so I used those instead).

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Mix all the dry ingredients in one bowl and the wet in the other, then mix them together! Scoop tablespoon sized cookies out onto a tray. They’ll keep their shape while they cook, so smooth the little balls out if you want them to look less like drop biscuits and more like bakery goods. Pop them in for about 10 minutes. These are good out of the oven, but unlike traditional wheat ones they’re wayyyy better at room temperature.

duck eggs: chocolate chip pancakes and deviled

April 14, 2011

Yes. It’s all about the duck eggs. In the following recipes you could totally swap ’em out for chicken eggs instead. Ingest that high-protein goodness! Here’s two dishes I made this week because we are going to overload ourselves on them in celebration:

Breakfast = choco chip pancakes, apples, pineapple, roasted radishes and some ghee.

Chocolate Chip Coconut Pancakes

Gluten-free, grain-free, dairy-free, low glycemic and made with duck eggs. Makes about 6.
  • 3 duck eggs
  • 1/4 c almond milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 tsp honey
  • about 4-5 drops stevia
  • pinch of salt
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 2 Tbsp oil (I used coconut and ghee)
  • 3 Tbsp coconut flour
  • 1/4 c cacao nibs (or dark chocolate chips)

Get a pan medium hot and grease it all nice like. While it warms up, whip up everything in a blender except the cacao till it’s nice and smooth. Mix in the nibs/chips and pour the batter of your first pancake in! They only take like one to two minutes per side. Easy, right? I bet you could get fancy and separate the yolks from the whites, beat ’em independently and mix it together at the end for fluffier pancakes… but I’m lazy. I got a whole plate of pancakes this way in 15 minutes while my radishes roasted. Beautiful!

my breakfast/morning snacks today: green protein smoothie, deviled duck eggs, pineapple and a little sweet potato, black tea with almond milk and stevia

 Peppery Mustard Deviled Duck Eggs

gluten/grain/dairy-free, makes 8 halves
  • 4 duck eggs
  • 1/4 c mustard
  • 1 Tbsp hot sauce
  • 1 Tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp honey or agave, or 1-2 drops stevia
  • 2 Tbsp water
  • salt & pepper to taste
  • paprika to taste

boil your eggs about 12 minutes and let them cool. I sit ’em in cold water for about 10-20 minutes. Peel the eggs, slice them in half and scoop the yolks out into a bowl. Mix all the other ingredients in said bowl until smooth and then spoon or pipe the mixture back into the egg whites. Sprinkle with paprika.

Deviled eggs always taste like adulthood to me. I remember eating them at some get together when I was little and thinking they tasted very grown up, because what child would ever bother to make such a thing? Then I fed chocolate to a dog. It was a great party!

eggs eggs eggs eggs

April 10, 2011

Happy day! Glorious day! Epic ate duck eggs for the past two mornings as an experiment… and he can eat them with no pain. For me this is beautiful, wonderful news because I freaking love eggs. Eggs and nuts are the two protein sources my body loves the most but when chicken eggs got knocked off the list (he’s allergic), I scrambled quickly for a new protein source and just looked for an instant fix with meat. Okay, we can both tell it’s not what our bodies want all the time. It’s also been a pain with grain-free cooking, because what the hell do we use for binders and extra protein? Flax and chia seeds work (sometimes) but my brain needed  a quick fix while I figure out the proper ratio for those per recipe. But now! Eggs eggs eggs eggs eggsssss

recipe ideas? + food diary

April 6, 2011

The 6th is always a holiday in my house. It’s the day we thank social services and do a little dance because I get my food stamps! It’s baaarely enough for the two of us but every bit counts, especially since I don’t know what Epic and I would do without them. Bother our mothers by showing up for dinner constantly? Yeah, they know why we get real friendly at the end of the month…

It’s an especially fun day for me because not only do I get to eat (a necessity) but I LOVE food shopping. It’s like clothes shopping but I don’t have to do any laundry. Actually, sometimes it can be more fun; I’m not always in the mood to go clothes shopping but food, YES. Anytime. Panties and sock shopping are always okay, too. This is when I pull out all the recipes I printed up at work at the end of the month, blissfully ignoring my job and thinking about what I’d like to cook soon. But this time, I’m not really in the mood. The recipes I picked two weeks ago don’t sound appealing today. Eric’s been eating more meat so I printed a bunch of paleo/primal meals, but honestly…? Ick. We’re both not feelin’ meat as a main focus. We had a LOT of it last week since I increased my workout but even if I crave it, it was definitely overkill. Anyway, we have some super yummy meat in the freezer so it’s not something I need to shop for right now.

What I want is veggies, fruits, nuts, butter, fish and protein powder. I guess my protein craving shifted from bacon to grain. A gritty vanilla rice protein bomb smoothie sounds AMAZING right now. I’ll probably be eating a lot of raw beegan (hee) food as I tend to want it during the spring and summer. So hey, here’s where I need your help! Do you have any recipes, cookbooks or ingredients you think I should check out right now? Obviously if it’s something like pork shanks, I can’t help you. But closer to the lines of what Epic and I can/want to eat right now (gluten-free, preferably grain-free, dairy-free, egg-free, low-glycemic, low meat, fresh, etc etc), is there anything delicious you’ve been cooking up or are inspired by?


And just to spice this post up, here’s a little things-I-sort-of-remember-cooking-this-week food diary:

  • Black bean burgers made with a lot of veggies, beans, and my FAVORITE FAKE GROUND MEAT EVER, Ricki’s recipe from Diet, Dessert and Dogs (which is TOTALLY paleo/primal, woo hoooo)
  • Sweet mochi rice with coconut milk, bananas and pineapple drizzled up on top
  • The most bomb-ass peanut (or almond butter) satay chicken ever ever over salad greens. I’ll make this again with some chicken for him and broccoli for me because Epic thinks it’s better than candy. Recipe coming soon!
  • Teriyaki/BBQ mash-up chicken with brown rice (for breakfast, which is why I’m meat-ed out). I made a lot of this so I brought a serving for my boss/father in law for lunch to share the love.
  • Gingered carrots with mahi mahi from Everyday Paleo for dinner last night. Leftover fish tacos for lunch today!
  • Trader Joe’s almond milk with  vacuum-dried banana chips. My current favorite snack.

mochi rice, bananas, pineapple and coconut milk... mmm, comfort food.

Salad with Lemon Basil Dressing and Salmon or Eggs

March 25, 2011

Epic and I have been trying to cleanse/detox this week. Read: drink no alcohol, smoke no cigarettes and put away the bong. Our diet has been way cleaner too. Sometimes your body just needs  a break, right? We’ve been eating a lot of raw vegan but my intense workout (aerials and now floor acrobatics) has me CRAVING way more protein than nuts and veggies have been able to give me. I mean, wake-up-at-three-AM-and-want-to-eat-an-entire-chicken cravings. But chicken gives me nasty farts (boo) and I think they’re cute so I’m eating a lot of fish and eggs. I still want veggies with my protein so here’s a bomb-ass salad that we’ve been eating variations of all week. You can see that I took the laaaast of it to work this morning in this sad little camera phone picture. It tastes SO MUCH BETTER than it looks. It’s like the perfect spring food! I’m gonna make it again next week ahhhhh ahhh AHHHH

Salad with Lemon Basil Dressing, Grilled Onions and Salmon or Eggs

Feeds two happily, but I made double this because we like it so hard.


  • 2 T butter, ghee or coconut oil
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 red onion, quartered and sliced
  • 3-4 cloves garlic minced fine
  • 2 salmon steaks, thawed or fresh (I’m able to buy frozen Quinault treaty wild-caught at my local co-op and it is the best frozen fish I have ever had, hands down.) OR however many eggs you & the people you’re feeding collectively want. Or do both! Go crazy! Or neither and keep it vegan.
  • 1/2 lemon
  • optional: a dash of fish sauce

Rinse off the salmon and pat dry. Add your oil, salt and pepper to a medium-hot pan. Throw in the onions and garlic and stir around, coating everything in oil. Lay the steaks on top of the onions, put a lid on the pan and set it to medium-low. You’ll leave it there for at least 5 minutes, 10 max. If you don’t eat fish, here’s the egg option: soft boil them and just grill up your onions on medium heat.  Both the eggs and fish need time to cook, so in the mean time…


  • 1 big head of lettuce OR big bag of salad mix. Enough for two people.
  • 2 green onions, diced up nice
  • 1/2 cup nuts. I’d use pumpkin seeds or almonds, but had some raw nut crackers that I crumbled up instead.

Rinse veggies, mix it all, etc. Check your salmon! How’s it looking?  You’re going to want it cooked through but not overdone. Are your eggs boiled?


  • 1 lemon peeled & seeded + juice of half a lemon
  • 1/4 c extra virgin olive oil OR melted coconut oil
  • pinch salt
  • ground pepper to taste
  • 1 clove garlic
  • 2 bundles Thai basil (or regular, but this shit was on sale!)
  • huge pinch dry parsley
  • 3 T raw honey
  • dash of H20

Throw it all in a blender and process until smooth.

If your salmon looks good and done on the top, bring your heat up to a medium-high and flip it into the pan (no longer on top of onions) and get rid of the lid. Let all that sweet, sweet juice sizzle off for a minute while you sear it on one side, then flip and let it sear on the other for a minute max. Move the onions around to make sure nothing burns! I cooked my salmon for about 10 minutes total from start to finish. When it looks done (break a piece apart to make sure, unless it’s fresh and you like it extra pink inside) squeeze half a lemon over the top and remove from heat.  If you cooked eggs, shell and chop them all up in a bowl with the onions. Put everything out, let people serve themselves and watch it disappear.

Smoothie of the Day: Pina Colada Stomach Soother

March 7, 2011

Pineapple is what does my stomach good here. Thanks, bromelain! Image from Wikipedia.

Okay, I could have done a million things to make this much easier on the tummy. But I’m not in THAT much pain; Epic and I just need some routine gastronomic maintenance. We had a dirty street fight with a bag of (Jalepeno!) Cheetos last night and I think we won. It was the cap to a huge kick of binge drinking. Today when I woke up our room smelled like farts, which means it’s time to get back to eating Good Things (i.e., not tequila for dinner). I can’t wait until the weather warms up so I can open a window in there, eww.

Pina Colada Stomach Soother Smoothie

Makes about 4c, feeds 2. Blend it all up!
  • 1 c water
  • 1 c coconut milk OR another c water + a small handfull of shredded coconut
  • 2 big pineapple spears, or maybe 3-4 rings (as long as it’s fresh)
  • 1 banana
  • a handful of cilantro
  • 1 c spinach (packed)
  • 1 orange, peeled
  • 1 little knob of ginger, peeled
  • 1 heaping scoop of almond butter
  • optional extras: 2 scoops hemp protein, 4 drops stevia, a scoop of “tropical” magnesium, a spoon of green powder, a scoop of fiber and a few dropperfulls of a ginger/cinnamon/etc digestive tincture I’ve got in the cupboard

Besides this giant smoothie, I’ll be mostly snacking on nuts and drinking a lot of peach detox tea today to give my stomach a break. Then I’ll be terrible and finish up the bag of Cheetos.